Frustration

I have to tell you if you are looking for an inspiring post or something upbeat with a happy ending this is not the post for you, STOP READING AND RUN AWAY!

I am so TIRED of this stupid ass phobia ruining my life. Draining the happy out of my good days. All it takes in one mention that some one in the remote area is sick with the stomach flu and I am done. All I do is obsessively worry all the day long! UGH! I can't deal anymore. I am so tired. Seriously exhausted. I feel like I have to be super vigilant all of the time. I feel like if I don't worry obsessively then BOOM it will get us.

Do you know what it feels like to NEVER completely relax? It is terrible. I can't even put words around how much my body and brain hurt. I always feel tired, I always feel just, blah. Surviving is not living.

I don't know what is eventually going to beat this. I don't know if I will be suffering through this until the day I die. I just feel completely hopeless today. Tired and frustrated caught in the muck. I know it's dumb. I know how irrational and stupid these thoughts are. I know how I must sound to you. A raving lunatic. That's exactly how I feel. Like a dumb raving lunatic.

I know I promised there would be no happy ending, but as I was writing God was working in my heart to show me something. So I will share it with you just in case you are having a lunatic kind of day too.  Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
I feel weary and heavy burdened today. So I think, for today, the answer is to go to Him in prayer. The glimmer of hope in a pretty hopeless situation is that He is strong enough to save the day. When I am done being burdened by this He will have used it for His good. These are the obsessive thoughts I *should* have instead of the ones that deteriorate my mind and body. As these have the power to build me up.


So trust that He is in control. Give up the reigns and try to trust His process. And pray. A lot.