Diagnosis at Last

I went to the Psychiatrist for the first time today. I have been to many different therapists, but never a Psychiatrist. It was a very trying and painful thing. Totally worth it for what I got though. A diagnosis and a plan to treat it. FINALLY!

I knew that I had Emetaphobia (the fear of vomiting), I knew I had the start of agoraphobia (the fear of leaving the house), the Obsessive compulsive disorder came as no shock, but the eating disorder, on the other hand, hit me out of no where.

I was not ready to hear that because I do not eat when I am afraid or because I only eat the bare minimum to get by, that I have an eating disorder. When I hear that phrase I think of Anorexia and Bulimia. Neither of which I have, but I now understand that if you have an issue with eating that is tied to emotional crud, that is what they call it. It scared me. I don't want to be a bad example to my children. I don't want them to see me struggle to eat a piece of toast afraid that eating will cause me to vomit.

So now we come to the great part. I now can get the CORRECT medicine for my condition. I can now focus my prayer and know what it is that I need help with. He has always known, but maybe this was the step I needed to take in order for Him to make me see. These things that I do because of the fear, they are all causing me to direct my attention away from my God. I can not allow this to be. Anything that calls you away from the Father's feet is sin. I intend to devote every fiber of my being to working with Him to make myself whole again. He has had His hand in my treatment the whole way. Now I have to take the plunge and follow and trust the path He has laid out.

I know that many of you may think that faith and science don't mix, but that isn't true. My doctor is a Christian man who trusts and knows my Savior. He prays everyday for knowledge and wisdom to help heal. I know that I can trust that the Father is guiding both him and I and together I can become the Mommy, Wife, and Sara I want to be again.