Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes

So things are starting to make sense. Things are coming out through intensive prayer and therapy. I have been praying for God to make straight the path to recovery and to make it easy for me to see. And today that started to happen. BIG TIME.

I had a dream and the dream showed me the ways that I have been coping and pushing my real feelings aside. The beautiful part is that when I woke up I didn't dismiss it as another crazy dream I sat and thought about it for awhile. Once I did I started to unravel the story God was telling me. THANK GOD I paid attention. I had always imagined that I would be the kind that would have just walked right past that burning bush and thought nothing of it. He opened my eyes and my mind and there it was.

A good friend of mine posed the question to me a while ago, How long are you going to carry this? How long before you put it down and give it to God? Through the word and some intensive prayer sessions I think I am finally ready to put it down. I am ready to start feeling the real issues and stop covering them over and bulldozing through them.

Today I feel as if anything can come my way and I, for the first time ever, feel that God will give me what I need to get through them. I prayed last night that God would take complete control of EVERYTHING in my life. My kids, my health, my marriage, my finances....... These are things I have never been able to relinquish control over. I have said the words, take it all Lord, but it was never true until yesterday. He is working in me. Big things. I am reading the Word everyday and I am making time with Him everyday. I know now, with COMPLETE certainty God will never leave me without what I need to survive. If something happens to one of my children, He will get me through that mess. I am not saying it wouldn't hurt like hell, but I know that I will survive it and that with God I have nothing to fear.

I am not cured, but there is a path. I can see the other side. It doesn't seem hopeless anymore. It is by His mercy and grace I will be healed.