Know the quickest way to up the anxiety, even higher, for an emet on a holiday weekend? Have someone tell you that they just got done puking for 12 hours. AFTER you just got done touching them. Then let them go home to go on the book face to see 5 posts of people whose families are down with a stomach virus.
The pressure of a holiday is enough. The anxiety and stress of being in three different gatherings with all potentially infected people is enough to drive any emet over the edge. Put them in contact with a known puker and it's over. I am officially at the "rock in the corner chewing on my own hair" stage.
Never mind that the incident with the known puker was at my Doctors office and that I have yet another ear, throat, and nose virus. I am run down and worn out and now I am drowning in panic.
I know that if I avoid my plans and retreat to my safe place this weekend I am letting the enemy win. Right now, though, that doesn't seem to matter. The only thing that matters right this second is that I can't move and if I try to fight any more and be the panic hero one more time today I may very well go over the edge into insanity. And it's not worth it. So for now I'm giving in. I am laying down and I'm not making one more step until I feel I am able.
The problem with doing what is best for me is that it causes a lot of other people to be disappointed in me and let down in general and I'm not good at that. That is not a hit my self esteem can take. So I am in another situation where I either take care of myself and disappoint everyone or I make myself worse to please everyone else.
Today blows.
The pressure of a holiday is enough. The anxiety and stress of being in three different gatherings with all potentially infected people is enough to drive any emet over the edge. Put them in contact with a known puker and it's over. I am officially at the "rock in the corner chewing on my own hair" stage.
Never mind that the incident with the known puker was at my Doctors office and that I have yet another ear, throat, and nose virus. I am run down and worn out and now I am drowning in panic.
I know that if I avoid my plans and retreat to my safe place this weekend I am letting the enemy win. Right now, though, that doesn't seem to matter. The only thing that matters right this second is that I can't move and if I try to fight any more and be the panic hero one more time today I may very well go over the edge into insanity. And it's not worth it. So for now I'm giving in. I am laying down and I'm not making one more step until I feel I am able.
The problem with doing what is best for me is that it causes a lot of other people to be disappointed in me and let down in general and I'm not good at that. That is not a hit my self esteem can take. So I am in another situation where I either take care of myself and disappoint everyone or I make myself worse to please everyone else.
Today blows.
Hugs.
ReplyDeleteNoro season is just beginning over here and I can already feel my anxiety levels rising.