Ugly

Do you ever have days (weeks, months,years) when you just feel ugly?

I have the hardest time lately looking into the mirror and understanding why my Hubby chose me and why in the world he would stay with me.

The grays have been piling in and the impact of carrying three children on my body have started to become SUPER evident. The lack of sleep has permanently left dark shadows under my eyes. The years of panic have left lines of worry across my forehead.

I feel, blah. Like a wrung out washcloth. Almost lifeless.

Why is it fair that as men age they become distinguished and even BETTER looking?! It makes me enraged to think that one day my gorgeous Husband will be walking next to an old, wrinkled, used up paper bag.

Don't get me wrong here, I am not overly vain. I don't long to be 16 again (or do I?). I would just like to feel pretty and special for one day.

I think this issue is common among Moms or even women my age without kids. It's hard to compete with 17 and 18 year old girls in tiny shorts, with deep tans, and nothing to do all day but perfect their make up.  It's not just those girls either it's the women on TV too.  The Victoria's Secret commercials, for the love of all things sacred. How am I supposed to believe that my Husband thinks I am hot when he has just seen one of those "angels" strutting in her skivvies across our living room?

I asked my Husband these questions the other night. Why in the world would you still find me attractive compared to so and so? How can you still want me even though I look nothing like I did when we got married? After he finished rolling his eyes and sighing at the thought that this was one of those impossible conversations I am so good at, he answered me. He said, "Because I love you. I think you are gorgeous. And it wasn't just your beauty that attracted me to you." (I am so lucky)

After being satisfied with his answer I did a little asking of questions in the way of prayer and this is the conclusion I got. We are all individually and purposefully made by a Master artist with a brilliant eye. The same Artist who painted each flower and butterfly, crafted every picturesque sunset, and gave beauty to everything under Heaven. He makes no mistakes. Who you are, the way you look, is no accident. You were made to fill a purpose and you, and only you, can fill it. So instead of getting down and longing for younger days when things didn't hit the floor, consider the journey that brought each and every one of those "flaws" as training to do what you were meant to do.

You and I are a gorgeous one of a kind masterpiece. Handcrafted and priceless.