A Resolution to Resolve

I have been contemplating a New Year's resolution.

The thing is, do I really want to start out the new year with an unreachable goal and wind up being disappointed in myself right off the bat? Shouldn't self loathing wait until at least February to kick in? I'm just kidding of course. I don't loathe myself, not everyday at least.

I have been considering picking out something I would like to do regularly and publicly state my goal so that I have a little accountability for it. Such as Bible reading, treadmill walking, or not yelling at the children so much. These are all worthy goals I think. I do pretty well with my Bible reading as it is, so I feel if I pick that one it would kind of be like taking an easy A course. Walking on the treadmill requires time and child care and energy. Those things are kind of few and far between. Yelling at my kids is something I definitely do want to stop altogether because it is detrimental to the happiness of my home and is completely ineffective. However, I would need to rely totally on God to accomplish this one. I have tried a hundred different ways to do it myself and have totally failed resulting in much guilt. Which defeats the purpose altogether.

I think I have decided that instead of a "resolution" that will just lead to guilt, self loathing, and disappointment I will instead pray more often about the things I would like to see change in myself. I will pray for God to show me what is best to keep and what is best to toss and change. It is sort of like garbage day. You go into the fridge and see what can last one more week and what is best to just let go out in the truck. I will go to my Father God in prayer and ask Him to examine my heart, like the fridge, and tell me what is good and what needs a tweaking, or a total toss. I hope that in this process, although uncomfortable, He will make me a better Sara. A better Mommy. A better Wife.

 Resolutions are fine, just as long as we understand that REAL change comes through the Father. He is the one who can bring about a 180 in us. He is the one who can heal, restore, and renew. So Lord God it's time for an inventory. It's time to purge. My heart is open for your discriminatory eyes.