I haven't written much this month, I think because I don't have much to say. (Please don't keel over from shock!)
I'm dealing with some things that I don't feel comfortable sharing here. Which is crazy because this is my space and I should be able to say whatever I like. But I can't. There are things that I am not ready to deal with the fallout from sharing openly.
I will say that I have had some rough panic this month. I have dealt with some of the most debilitating panic I have ever faced. Twice almost winding up in the emergency room because I thought I was having a real honest to God heart attack. Another time having to call my thankfully understanding Mom to coach me how to breathe normally again. Seems I had forgotten how.
In this, my family has suffered. I have relied heavily on the love of my friends. And possibly overused the grace of my Husband and those close to me. I could very easily sit here with some heavy guilt, but I've decided that adding guilt on top of the already crushing emotional load would just be exasperating to the situation. So, for now, that is off the table.
It hasn't all been bad. I have climbed some mountains. Some high mountains. I went to the mall with my family yesterday. We went out to eat this weekend too. This morning I was able to go out for coffee with a good friend. ~Side note, if there is a more soothing balm than a chat with a good friend, I haven't found it.~ And once a week I have been having dinner with a remarkable young woman who is teaching me volumes about life and how to live it despite the demons in my path. This beautiful lady has about the kindest heart I've ever seen. She was an instant fit into our family, and we ALL feel blessed by her presence in our home. It's rare to find someone who is vulnerable enough to show their authentic self. I consider this woman an inspiration.
So I guess the point of this post was to let you know that I am still alive and to remind you that human interaction and relationships are the very best part of life. If you are reading this and feeling lonely, reach out to someone. Even if it's electronically. Reach out to me if you have no one. Knowing that there is another breathing soul on this earth who knows where you are and how you are feeling is a powerful thing. Embrace it.
I'm dealing with some things that I don't feel comfortable sharing here. Which is crazy because this is my space and I should be able to say whatever I like. But I can't. There are things that I am not ready to deal with the fallout from sharing openly.
I will say that I have had some rough panic this month. I have dealt with some of the most debilitating panic I have ever faced. Twice almost winding up in the emergency room because I thought I was having a real honest to God heart attack. Another time having to call my thankfully understanding Mom to coach me how to breathe normally again. Seems I had forgotten how.
In this, my family has suffered. I have relied heavily on the love of my friends. And possibly overused the grace of my Husband and those close to me. I could very easily sit here with some heavy guilt, but I've decided that adding guilt on top of the already crushing emotional load would just be exasperating to the situation. So, for now, that is off the table.
It hasn't all been bad. I have climbed some mountains. Some high mountains. I went to the mall with my family yesterday. We went out to eat this weekend too. This morning I was able to go out for coffee with a good friend. ~Side note, if there is a more soothing balm than a chat with a good friend, I haven't found it.~ And once a week I have been having dinner with a remarkable young woman who is teaching me volumes about life and how to live it despite the demons in my path. This beautiful lady has about the kindest heart I've ever seen. She was an instant fit into our family, and we ALL feel blessed by her presence in our home. It's rare to find someone who is vulnerable enough to show their authentic self. I consider this woman an inspiration.
So I guess the point of this post was to let you know that I am still alive and to remind you that human interaction and relationships are the very best part of life. If you are reading this and feeling lonely, reach out to someone. Even if it's electronically. Reach out to me if you have no one. Knowing that there is another breathing soul on this earth who knows where you are and how you are feeling is a powerful thing. Embrace it.
Hey Sara, I read this a while ago and meant to post, and then realized I never did. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry the struggle has been so hard lately. I am so glad you've connected with someone that understands you so well and provides so much encouragement and hope! I agree - a chat with a good friend is sooooo healing! We all need that person in our life. I will be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
Kristen :)