Thursday, January 24, 2013

10 p.m.

It's lonely here.

The noise of the kids has died down and all that's left is the deafening silence and the earth shattering cacophony of my own thoughts.

The hour of fighting with my own feelings is upon me. Do I let them come as they are and deal with them? Or, do I fill my time with mindless things to fill the void and drown them out?

It's a great time to pray and listen, when I can quiet the voices and the self loathing long enough to get a clear thought together.

What if I were just prettier? What if I could just stop being so bitchy all of the time? Why did I have to say that? Why couldn't I have said what I really wanted to say?

What I really want to say is, that I don't feel like enough. I try, and try hard, and always come up short.

I'll never be all that I've told myself over and over that I need to be. 

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