The Lost Days

So I had a bad weekend.

It started on Friday. I found myself unable to go out of the house and unable to eat. It was not a good time. I guess when everything in your life goes awry and you are a tightly wound, type A, you don't really deal well. I spent the week doing everything that needed to be done on auto pilot and then on Friday when most things had been restored to their proper order I imploded.

I was terrified I was going to throw up. My fibro kicked up into ultra high gear, and I had a migraine. It was the worst episode of panic I had ever had. And it lasted 3 days. Yeah. It was totally *awesome*. Thank God for my Husband, without whom my children would be hungry and up all night. He totally took care of everything.

I started eating again today. And I went out of the house to run to the store for a few things. There is progress being made. However, I am terrified about having to get everyone to school tomorrow. I know that it will be fine. I know that God will take over and everything that needs to be done He will make sure gets done. I am just having a hard time with laying it down. It seems so dumb to me that just a week ago I was celebrating that I had finally turned a corner and now I can't even see what I did then. Where did that new found joy go? Did I throw it away? How do I get it back?

I know the answer to that. I am disconnected again. I got so wrapped up in life and it's trials that I forgot to let God help me. I forgot to say, "HEY Lord I could use a hand here!" WOOPS! This is what happens when you try to super woman everything. For He is made strongest in our weakness. Not when we try to power through, but when we lift up our eyes and hands and say, " I can't, but I know you can."

In that light, tonight before I go to bed I will go before my Father God and apologize for thinking I could do it and that I didn't need Him. I will also beg for His help with letting it go and laying it down again. I will also ask Him to make straight the path back to that unrelenting joy. I know that He is waiting for me there and will be happy to see me full of joy again. I just need to remember to ask.