*Emet trigger warning*
So I'm a complete psychotic. That's not news. It's just super clear today.
I've had a panic ridden three days because other people's children, whom I haven't seen and who may or may not live ACROSS the country, are vomiting. Meanwhile, my OWN kid pukes in the doctor's office yesterday and I am not worried about that. It was a sensitivity to a medication therefore not contagious.
On a serious note I had a pretty bad setback with that episode in the doctor's office. Jack was sitting on my lap when he out of nowhere projectiled. I pushed him away. I pushed my sick, scared child away. My heart is broken over that. Praise Jesus there was a nurturing and loving student Doctor in the room to gather him up and hold him while he finished. She lovingly cleaned him up and and reassured him he was ok. A Doctor did that, NOT his own Mother. I failed. I failed my own son because of this fear.
I'm so angry with myself and I feel so much guilt. It's not great in my head today. I am not being nice to myself today. The voices are mean today. Good thing today will pass and God has more grace for me than I have for myself. There isn't enough thank you for that fact.
Oh, Honey. You are not alone. And God is such a God of grace. And your son is a child of grace, as well. He isn't holding this against you, and you shouldn't either (easier said than done, I know). You didn't fail your son. Did you leave him there, or did you take him home? Did you lock him in the garage or his bedroom and totally ignore him, or did you spend the rest of the day loving him?
ReplyDeleteSetback? Maybe. Fail? Definitely not!!!!!!
Thank you for your kind words and reassurance. I definitely needed that. It's been a rough few days around here. XO
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