What would you do with a day to yourself? Imagine, if you will, the house is clean, all of your family has everything they need, and you have the whole day all to yourself. What do you do? I was astounded at the answer I gave when this question was asked of me. I DON'T KNOW.
From the time I was 16 I have been someone's Girlfriend, Wife, and then Mother. I seriously have no idea who *I* am outside of those things. I have taken on the personality and interests of these people who surround me and most of the time that is awesome. It makes for a pretty peaceful home and makes everyone feel special. The issue lies in the fact that one day these people are all going to have their own lives and I will have free time. Honestly I will probably sleep for the first two weeks, as I haven't slept since my first daughter was born 6 years ago, but then what?
It seems that I am longing for some sense of self. How do you go about finding out at age twenty seven who in the heck you are? I have no clue. I am open to suggestions. Seriously. Do you know who you are? What are the things that are necessities in daily life for you? What do you do in your me time? So I guess in summation I want you to tell me what makes you tick.
Good post, Sara. I can relate to you with some of this. For about 8 years my life was literally consumed with work and church. It was amazing and I wouldn't change a thing about it. It helped define who I am now. However, the past year of my life has been a drastic change. I haven't worked since I've been married and I'm not nearly as involved in church as I used to be. In fact, I'm simply not nearly as busy period. It's been a strange and sometimes frustrating time for me. I've realized that I don't know who I am, what God has for me and what I really want from life. I adore taking care of my husband and I greatly look forward to motherhood, but I don't know who I am beyond those things. I've realized that I don't even have any hobbies, as I've never had time for them, and I don't know what I would want to take up as a hobby.
ReplyDeleteSomething I read recently gave me, for the first time in quite a while, a sense of direction and a peace, knowing that God is in complete control. I feel like it was the start of me getting the answers I'm looking for. It's from the Power of a Praying Wife. In the chapter praying for your husband's purpose, she writes, "Whatever God has called your husband to be or do, He has also called you to support it and be apart of it, if in no other way than to pray, encourage, and help in whatever way possible. For some women that means creating a good home, raising the children, being there for him, and offering prayer support. Other women may take an active role by becoming a partner or helper. In either case, God does not ask you to deny your own personhood in the process. God has called *you* to something, too. But it will fit in with whatever your husband's calling is, it will not be in conflict with it. God is not the author of confusion, strife or unworkable situations. He is a God of perfect timing. There is a time for everything, the Bible says. The timing to do what God has called *each* of you to do will work out perfectly, if it's submitted to God."
I don't know when I'll get my answer or how, but I'm believing and trusting Him to bring it at the right time and I'll be praying that He does the same for you. :)
If I have "me" time, and I decide I don't need a nap, then I choose from the following list:
ReplyDelete- eat oreos and milk and watch Gilmore Girls starting wherever I left off the last time I popped my Season 4 DVD in.
- open my phone's contact list and press the down arrow until I stumble on a friend's number I haven't spoken to in a while. then i call her.
- organize a drawer...because i'm a nerd and that sort of thing is truly fun for me.
- garden... ugh. who am i kidding; i don't do that.
- pick from the pile of books on my coffee table with various bookmarks in them and start wherever i left off in one of them.
- pick my nose. (just kidding :) )
- redecorate a room from a small piece of inspiration like a pillow. (this scares my tall redhead TO. DEATH.)
Just do something that is fun to you. It doesn't have to make sense or be fun for anyone else, necessarily. Just something that will re-fuel you and make you smile!